Never Unfriended – The secret to finding and keeping lasting friendships
Lisa-Jo Baker unpacks this in her new book, Never Unfriended. I’ve been enjoying Lisa-Jo’s book club Facebook group discussing her book and the Facebook Live videos each week. To be honest, I didn’t purchase this book because I was looking for friendship help. I just like reading Lisa-Jo’s blog and the community of (in) courage that she is part of. I’m glad I did purchase though because I have learned so much about myself, and women and their friendships.
While reading Never Unfriended, I was challenged in how to be a trusting, faithful friend. It’s not easy. I’m busy with life just as everyone else is. My friend Jamie lives 100 miles from me. We joke that we saw each other more when I lived 2,000 miles away in Phoenix, AZ.
The online world has added a whole new dimension to friendships.
With the swipe or a click we can “unfriend” someone. I’ve met a lot of really nice gals online. Some I’ve met in real life. I recently had the opportunity to meet an online writing friend while I was on vacation in California. Janette drove an hour to meet for lunch! We had a wonderful time together. Because of our time online in a writing group and also on Voxer, it was like meeting an old friend. I’m so thankful for these opportunities.
There are many women out there who are hurting because of the words of a friend. As I’ve been reading this book, I’m praying, confessing and asking forgiveness for words I’ve said to others that have left them hurting or angry with me. The truth is, I will hurt others and others will hurt me. We are imperfect, selfish and unloving. What matters is whether we work it out or write it off.
In the first video of the book club, Ann Voskamp said, “The way God changes us is through other people.” Friends who never want to do what you suggest or eat where you want to eat? They’re teaching us to forgive. Or when I make excuses to not go shopping with a friend. God may be teaching me to give of myself even when I don’t want to. God uses others to help us learn forgiveness, love, patience and much more.
In Part 2, Lisa-Jo writes about what can’t we do about it?
We can’t always have friendship our way. We can’t expect other people to fill us up and we can’t control other people’s stories.
“People come in all shapes and sizes and stories and it’s not our job to fix them, use them, or get them to act just like us. It’s our job to love them.”
That’s a quote I need to memorize.
Comparison is ugly. It causes jealousy. I’d like to say as I’ve reached my 50’s jealousy is no longer an issue. But it is, though maybe not as much as when I was younger. It works both ways too. On page 138, Lisa-Jo mentions “private delight” which is keeping some of our accomplishments and joys in our heart, being content with keeping them private. Social media posting contributes to glorifying our life but we should careful to not fall into the share-everything trap.
This little book of less than 200 pages is packed with so much good info. I recommend it to girls from age 8 to 80 who want to be a better friend.
The most important friend we can have is faithful and trustworthy. His name is Jesus. He wants to be our friend. He does. The Bible tells us in John 15. Our confidence can be in Jesus as the most faithful friend there is.
And to my friends, thank you. Thank you for your friendship, love, laughter and fun times.