HopeLess to HopeFull
Are you in a hopeless situation? Maybe you just lost your job and have no idea how you will make the payments and buy groceries. Maybe your spouse has left you for someone else and you did not see this coming. Your hopes have been crushed. Or maybe you want so bad to have a child and the stick is always negative.
I understand and I’m hear to tell you that you can have hope again no matter the crisis or tragedy or devastation you feel right now. I’ve lost jobs, separated from my husband at one time, had cancer and not able to have a baby. All of these situations left me hopeless but each time God’s grace saw me through. Today I am full of hope for you, for myself and for anyone who might read this. I want to share some of our story of Hope Less to Hope Full.
All of these situations I’ve mentioned were difficult. Hopelessly difficult. Plus there are several other hopeless events in my life. But the one I want to share, the one most difficult and hopeless, was not being able to have a baby.
Little girl’s dream about the day she will grow up and become a mother. She plays house. Plays with baby dolls. Dresses her dog. I was no different.
When John and I dated we talked about our kids. We both agreed we should wait a few years before having them. Somewhere along the way, John decided he did not want to have children. For several years I tried to convince him, hoping and praying he would change his mind. Friends told me to “mess up” but I did not want to end up being a single mother.
We moved to Arizona in 1989 and not long after we were settled in our apartment and in our jobs, John changed his mind. We tried for about a year with no success before seeing our doctors for testing. We had borderline issues but nothing specific to prevent a pregnancy. We were referred to a reproductive specialist. After having various tests, and all tests we had were good, I was placed on Clomid and steroid medication. I remember leaving his office, being so excited and hopeful that we were going to have a baby! But I stopped taking the meds after a short time because they were making me fat, sick and crazy.
Later on, someone told me about a Christian Gynecologist, who also does some infertility treatments. Dr. Sawyer was kind, understanding, compassionate and even prays for all his patients. We did 3 or 4 IUI’s, (Intrauterine Insemination’s), but none worked. He referred us to a specialist. With the next specialist we did several IUI’s aggressively with infertility drugs and shots. I had to have shots at precise times. Sometimes John would give them to me and it was so hard for him.
All this time we were attending a wonderful church and so many praying for us. I believe my faith was strong and we believed we’d have a child but cannot understand why it was not happening. Nothing was wrong physically with either of us. All the tests proved it.
The infertility treatments were a rollercoaster for us. The timed sex, all the doctor appointments, the drugs, the negative results, being misunderstood, others saying the wrong things not knowing what to say.
My prayer during the entire time was please, please, please don’t let me get pregnant only to miscarry.
To be continued next month.
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