God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we’d like. I believe He has reasons and we don’t know what He is up to. We may never know, this side of heaven.
My prayers during the time we tried to have a child was “please God, don’t let me get pregnant only to miscarry.” So why did God allow me to miscarry? Was I angry? Not at first, anger came later. I knew I miscarried before the doctor confirmed it. I told John I was no longer pregnant. His reply was that I was just fearful. But I knew. During the ultrasound my doctor is looking and looking and finally says the dreaded news. Our prayers were not answered. But on the way home I was remarkably fine. At least we got pregnant finally! I was once again full of hope!
But the next step for us was IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), which was thousands of dollars. Thousands we did not have. We decided to stop further treatments and go back to “trusting God” to give us the blessing of a child.
Month after month we prayed, I took my temperature, counted days, propped my butt up after sex, tried to forget about it. We never got pregnant again but we had fun trying. 🙂
Most people just don’t know what to say to someone going through something they have not experienced. We heard all the usual comments.
“Take our kids for a day. That’ll cure you!”
“You need more faith” (a pastor told us that one)
“It’ll happen when you stop trying”
“It’s no big deal. You can always adopt”
People mean well. I think most do anyway. They just don’t realize how insensitive those comments can be to a couple trying to do all the right things to conceive. These are typical comments and they are all false. I had faith we would conceive up until the time I went through menopause.
What should you say?
Glad you asked because I want to help you, help them.
Ask about the medical process. Show interest even if you don’t understand it all. Ask questions. It shows you care and are interested in what they are dealing with.
Compliment them for their strength and perseverance. You could say, “Seeing you smile despite what you are going through is a strength I see in you.” They don’t feel like they have strength for another day sometimes.
Genuinely care. Grieve with them. Month after month an infertile couple experiences loss. In the time frame that John and I tried we experienced over 60 losses. Whew! If not for God’s Grace, I would not have made it. It’s hard, physically and emotionally. Marriage is difficult enough and with this added burden, it can really mess things up.
Couples trying to conceive have read everything, tried everything and asked their doctors everything, so it’s probably best to not offer advice. Offer to pray for them. Send flowers or thinking of you cards. Love them.
These are just a few ways to help. For more ideas visit Resolve.org
I will continue next month with more about hope, infertility and God’s grace in this journey of life.
Thank you for reading. If you know someone who could use a dose of hope, please send her here; I’d love to pray for her. My contact info is at the top.
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